Art and Tea’s Neighborhood

Augh - she did identical instead of mirror design! I knew I should leave them plain this week. Oh well.

I haven't felt much like blogging lately, but I need to put some thoughts down today so they'll quit bouncing around half finished in my brain pan.

I love new year resolutions.  I always make at least one, usually a whole lot more than one.  I started working on my 2010 resolutions a few months ago, thinking about what I wanted to accomplish in the next year.  Here's some I had listed:

• 1 sketch a day
• 2 visits to the gym each week
• 5 hours of study time each week, minimum (to include any of the following: electronics/circuitry, calculus, guitar, piano, Irish)
• read 50 books, 45 of which must be from my existing (as of 12/31/09) collection
• log 100 hours of lap time in the pool
• reduce my personal possessions by a(nother) 365 things
  

The number thing just kind of worked out, and I found myself trying to fill out the list with other number-related items, especially for 3, 10, and 25.  It's an OCD and Virgo thing.  I just love a nice pattern.  :)  When I caught myself trying to come up with more things just for the numbers though, I put the brakes on... at least temporarily.  ;)

So that was my list.  Those are all things I want to do this year, all things I plan to keep track of and be able to check off as accomplished when 2011 gets here.  It just doesn't feel resolution-worthy though.

The more I tried to hone my list into some kind of resolution, the more one particular word kept coming to mind: discernment.  I finally realized that what I wanted to accomplish this year, above and beyond all the things I could put on my list, was to practice discernment.  I want to not bullshit myself, to recognize the shiny distractions from the tasks that lead to real accomplishment, to know when and what and why I'm procrastinating and be aware of the consequences, and to be able to identify the battles that have no possible positive outcome.  I want to always be aware of what matters most, both in the moment and long-term, and to know where my focus is best placed. 

Now, I'm not saying it's all work and no play!  I fully anticipate choosing the shiny distractions on a regular basis, maybe even expending some excess energy in a pointless argument every now and then, as a matter of balance and mental health.  I just intend to make those choices with complete awareness and not delude myself into believing those situations have more significance than they're really worth.  I want to always do my best to be well aware of what I'm investing my energy in.

So the theme for 2010 is discernment.  The question I expect to ask myself thousands of times this year is, "How much does this really matter?"  (Which will also be a necessary question for the "365 less things" goal too.)

I also have a sub-theme going of "Shut the hell up."  It fits under the discernment theme but really needs it's own mention, especially since my plan this year is to error on the side of silence. There's a lot to this one but the whole scope of it is too complicated to explain entirely (and really, no one reading this needs or wants that level of detail  *L*).  In general though, there's a whole long list of times this past year I wish I'd just kept my thoughts to myself, so that's the new plan.  I've learned why the wise are usually silent and, when pressed to speak, speak in questions and riddles rather than direct statements.  ...I think this might be called "maturity"?  *shudder*  ;)

I intend to do my best to make 2010 a peaceful and productive year of being true to myself, my personal goals and my nearest and dearest.  Despite my incomplete list of numbers, this new year is all about quality.

Went to the country today. We drove to the country town of Gatton about 45 minutes from our home in Brisbane, and had lunch at their new "cultural" centre. Knowing the local "culture" a little bit too well, I was somewhat concerned about what we were going to experience, but I need not have feared at all. It was very well done, and though relatively newly opened, and obvious that there is still work to do on the landscaping etc, it was equal to any other "cultural" center we have experienced within Australia.

 

Many years ago, back in the early 1970s, a very forwarded thinking gentleman from the local agricualtural college lobbied very, very hard for a lake to be created in a swampy area just outside the town. The local people thought he was a "mad bastard" in the Aussie vernacular, but he kept at it and eventually won the local council over. Now look at it! The birds have such a haven and many of the locals take their daily walks around the lake. The centre was built in 2009 and houses the library, an art gallery that displays local artists and a truck museum. The town of Gatton is the hub of a rich agricultural area "the salad bowl of the Lockey Valley" and so the trucking industry is a major employer for the town.

So, the center not only has a trucking museum, but on a slight rise next to the lake they have created a monument that lists the names of all the local drivers that have died - too many in accidents, but also as part of the cycle of life. Families pay a small amount to have the name of their loved one inscribed.

 

 

There is a lovely sandstone carving outside the cultural centre that commenorates the agricultural pioneers of the district.

 

 

 

and next door to the centre is the local historical village :

 

Not far away, on the other side of the historical village, a terrible murder was committed at the end of the 19th century. Three members of the Murphy family - two sisters and a brother- were murdered on their way home from a local dance. Their murder was never solved and to this day all the locals have theories about who killed them - irish family vendetta: a jilted lover; incestuous relationship; vargrant who diappeared into the night?  I guess now, no one will ever know for sure.

 

 

Lights on the Hill - song lyrics by Slim Dusty

 

It's a long straight road and the engine is deep

I can't help thinkin' of a good night's sleep

And the long long roads of my li-ife were a callin' me

 

These rough old hands are a-glued to the wheel

My eyes full of sand from the way they feel

And the lights comin' over the hi-ill are a-blindin' me

 

It's a long tough haul from a-way down south

A man's gotta find a little bread for his mouth

And a home for a girl as swee-eet as my honey can be

 

So it's down through the gears, she's a-startin' to pull

The gauge on the tank is a-showin' they're full

And the lights comin' over the hi-ill are a-blindin' me

 

There's rain on the road and I can feel the load start a-shiftin'

I-i-in a dance

Too late, I see the post and I haven't got a ghost of a chance

Ah-hah-hah-no

 

The windscreen wipers are a-beatin' in time

The song they sing is a part of my mind

And I can't believe it's a-really happenin' to me

 

Oh, but I'm over the edge and down the mountain side

I know they'll tell about the night I died

In the rain when the lights on the hi-ill were a-blindin' me

Hey!

 

There's rain on the road and I can feel the load start a-shiftin'

I-i-in a dance

Too late, I see the post and I haven't got a ghost of a chance

Ah-hah-hah-no

 

The windscreen wipers are a-beatin' in time

The song they sing is a part of my mind

And I can't believe it's a-really happenin' to me

 

Oh, but I'm over the edge and down the mountain side

I know they'll tell about the night I died

In the rain when the lights on the hi-ill were a-blindin' me

In the rain when the lights on t

If only I could stop thinking about how much nicer it would have been if I had someone with whom to share it.

Made it up to the ArcLight theater (which isn't nearly the "hot shit" venue I expected it to be) with just a few minutes to spare. It's really difficult to select your seat when you buy your ticket, esp when you've never been to the venue before. Fortunately, I made an excellent selection. I was annoyed that the matinee discount ($14 is DISCOUNT price?) doesn't apply on holidays... more annoyed that the cashier called the extra $1.50 a "holiday surcharge". (Bite me!)

The first preview featured my future husband, GAEL GARCIA BERNAL, so we were off to a good start (the movie is "Letters to Juliet" and Gael plays the a-hole boyfriend who's probably in only the first 1/4 of the film). I don't remember the rest of the previews - just that one was for a high intensity drama and people laughed at the end of the preview and I didn't understand why.

Broken Embraces started really really really slow. I probably spent 2/3 of the film wondering if it would be the first Almodovar film that I didn't like. But at the end, I LOVED it and was ready to watch it again. I love Almodovar's habit of foreshadowing things that never happen and including subplots that are never resolved... so non standard-American film! Also, I felt he used Volver to wrap up the subplots of a couple of prior films (don't ask me which, I don't remember). And this seemed to do the same - though I could easily be imagining it. All the same, it made me want to run home and immediately watch Women On the Verge.

• [3am update] Just got done watching Women and was surprised to find I was totally correct on that call - though he changed it up a bit. I'm impressed with myself cause I haven't seen that movie since it came out, which was 1988. Also surprising was realizing that a subplot in Women was part of the main plot in Live Flesh. Now I'm even more impressed at how he winds his movies together, plus bits of himself.
  

I got a kick out of one of the subplots being exposed, long after I had figured it out myself, and someone in the audience actually gasping in shock. I started laughing.

For the record: Penelope Cruz in a platinum wig? FIERCE HOT!! OMG PONIES!!!11!!11!!1!!! I am soooo envious. The hairstyles designed to make her look like Audrey Hepburn were shockingly accurate.

Between thinking about her and thinking about Gael, I decide I want to buy a copy of the movie where Gael played the devil (with a swedish accent). I really liked that film... Don't Tempt Me (had to look it up) [update: purchase complete. Plus I signed up for Amazon Prime (free 2day shipping, $3.99 overnight).]

After the film, I hobbled down the street to Fabiolus Cafe for dinner (owned by a Fabio but not the Fabio). I had no idea what they offered but spied the place on the way up and decided to check it out after the movie. I had an awesome Italian dinner (little pricey but worth it): Gnocchi with peas, sun dried tomatoes, garlic and chicken in a light parmigiano/wine reduction sauce; followed by tiramisu and cappuccino. A strange party of old peeps was seated next to me and the snippets of convo I overheard had me convinced they were both nutty and blowing smoke up each other's asses. Bizarre combo. Then I heard bits which implied they're in "the industry", in which case the combo makes perfect sense. They totally missed when the waiter made a joke about "fresh decaf coffee - we made it yesterday and it's still hot!" but I cracked up, causing one of them to stare at me for an extended time. I didn't think she was offended by my laughing but that she was, first, trying to figure out my "story" (dining alone - in a fairly romantic restaurant) and, second, judging my meal and my fat ass. That's okay cause judging the 3 of them as freaks kept me pretty entertained. And I actually got FULL, without finishing everything... quite the satisfying surprise.

The kitties are in and the heater is on. I'm totally content. Now to figure out how to spend the rest of the night (tv, Women on the Verge, or, The Hangover?).

• [3a Update] I watched both of them. I was disappointed with The Hangover - probably due to a combo of overhype and a woman at Julie's Mom's funeral telling me waaaaaaay too much of the story.
  

One of the best parts of being in Ohio is that we have reconnected with Ben's (huge) clan of family. I've known them for over 14 years, but from a distance. I was a bit slow on getting all the names right and the spouses and the kids. When I saw one kid I'd known as a little kid (now late teens) I did not recognize him to everyone's amusement.

How could I not know Hunter?

The clan has been together in the same area of Ohio forever. The 14 years Bens been with me in Californa never really took him out of the family loop. Now that he's back here, it's almost like he never left. I have to say I love being part of the "clan".

Today Ben's aunt Bobbie (Barb) had everyone to her home in Mansfield for "pigs in a blanket." (pork and ground beef balls with rice wrapped in cabbage in a soup of tomato and spices and sauerkraut. Thick chunks of bread and butter  and mashed potatoes finished the meal. All served straight from the kitchen to whoever showed up, whenever they showed up. The pot had been cooking for over 10 hours - started the day before and then reheated today so the flavors blended and mellowed. It was so unbelievably good and satisfying. We all ate wherever we could find a spot  while the tv played one of many football games. Ben helped this cousins set up his mom's new speaker system to go with her new tv. Ben and his cousin Lonnie worked together on the project - joking and teasing each other. Honestly they are as different as night and day, but underneath the "types" the connection - the family tie - is obvious. Ben- his tight black jeans, pink and black sneakers, red and black flannel topped with a black biker jacket, tatted and pierced, blue hair, goofy humor - in the snow, Ben makes snow men. In the snow, Lonnie waits for hours with a gun or bow for his prey to pass close enough for a clean kill. Lonnie with his home full of stuffed and mounted animals, deer watch his tv from behind his chair - the black bear comes out of the wall behind the tv. The turkeys and peasants are flattened into wall hangings. Lonnie - in his camo pants and loose muddy boots - hair trimmed short  - buff  - while Ben is a computer whiz who does art for a living. Lonnie works at a correctional facility. He is big and tough. I'm sure on one messes with Lonnie. Different. Wildly different. And yet I've watched them getting closer with each gathering.

Ben's family accepts each other 100%, Can't say they accept everyone - or every type - but once someone is in the family "clan" everyone has their back.

Every time we are with Ben's family - I feel - like I am a part of something.
It's wonderful to feel this much love - from them all and for them all.
 
And Ben.

Once again, had a lot of trouble sleeping. I'm pretty sure my back is unhappy. I switched sides of the bed, which helped a bit while totally confusing the cats. I should have seen my chiro more than 2 months ago. I wonder if he'll be around next week; now that our workload is down, I should be able to get into see him.

The cats got me up around 8:30 to go out, decided to come back in around 10, and we all went into the living room and napped for a couple more hours with the Rose Parade on in the background. It had to let the parade repeat 1.5 times (not like there's anything else to watch) before I finally saw the snowboarding bulldogs. Like last year, I entertained thoughts of going up to see the floats tomorrow but I quickly got over it: lots of walking + lots of people (and all stopping at random) = PASS. Honestly, I only ever want to go to get closeup pics for people who've never seen the floats in detail.

Side Topic: I'm not a fan of McDonald's but I'm loving their new "chocolate" commercial. I've probably seen it over 30 times today and still chocolate it. Chocolate.

2:30p and I'm in my pajamas (no surprise there). I'm planning to shower soon so I can drag my butt to Hollywood to see a movie, maybe have dinner, and maybe go to a bar (but probably not on the last one). I'm hoping that getting out of the house today will make it seem more like a 3day weekend - which is important because I don't have another work holiday till May or June (sooooo faaaaar awwwaayyyyy!).

No other plans for the rest of the weekend. At least nothing that I remember. In fact, as far as I know, my first commitment of 2010 isn't till Jan 29 (Timbaland show).

Julie and I are possibly going to start taking a burlesque class on Tues night. We don't know if it's actually going to happen. She found it on Meetup.com and, as of yesterday, only 2 other people had said yes. We have no idea if anyone has actually paid. I've never heard of the instructor or studio, which makes me think it's not going to be good but it's not horribly expensive ($125 for 4 classes + a performance) so we figured we'd try it. Julie got an offer for 2-for-1 but, by the time I found out about it, it was the holiday and they were closed and we missed the offer. Oh well.

My first bit of productivity for 2010: I just looked up house cleaning services and found 2 places that I'll try calling tomorrow or Mon. Both are businesses, not individuals, and one is based really close by. I'll probably call them first. Keep your fingers crossed. I love saving money by not having a service but 8 weeks of no cleanings is REALLY showing. I should vacuum this weekend but I said that last weekend, and the weekend before, and never did it - so there's no reason to think I will this weekend either.

Happy New Year, Everyone!  Today I have some significant news to share.

On December 17, 2009, in the very early hours of the morning, I nearly bled to death.  I’m afraid I’m serious ─ by the time I was admitted into hospital from the emergency room, I was down to about a quarter of the amount of blood needed to sustain life.

The irony of this situation is that I was under a doctor’s care at the time, and that’s one of the reasons that I’m going public with this today. The second reason is because since I have been off Facebook, my blogs,  and other social networking sites, I’ve been getting emails from ‘fans’ asking questions such as: “Are you in rehab? You can tell me! My brother was in rehab last year at this time.” and “Did you have Demi-Moore-head-to-toe-plastic-surgery? Please post pics!”

I was inclined to let these strangers think what they would, but I’ve also been receiving messages of genuine concern, and those are why I’ve decided to write about this very personal experience publicly.

As boring as this probably makes me, a drug habit and/or a craving to own gravity-defying boobies had nothing to do with my absence from the internet.  What actually happened was that on November 9, I had what should have been routine uterine fibroid surgery. I wanted to keep the knowledge of that fact limited to my family and closer circle of friends, because to me there is nothing more cringe-worthy than people announcing these things on their Facebook status updates:  Jack is …”getting out of jail this week!”  Jane…”’s a husband is a lousy cheat!”  Patricia…”had a fibroid the size of a baseball removed from her uterus.” 

Yuck.

So, I didn’t announce it, (until now) and only made vague references to “not feeling well”, and even those mentions were only because I’d missed some social and business events. However, the “not feeling well” stretched on and on, and when I questioned my doctor, he went from voicing some concern to being brusquely irritated, “You must be patient. You’re not a patient person.”

And that’s where he got me. I’ve heard that more than once.  Even my own husband seconded it. So, I tried to be patient. And, as it turns out, I can be patient. Actually, I was so patient, I nearly died of it.

I’m sorry, I still squeamish about writing the specifics, but suffice it to say that I was bleeding, but in such an unusual pattern that it didn’t raise any alarm bells with the doctor. To be fair to him, the symptoms were atypical. Coupled with this detail was my enormous energy level that was only somewhat depleted by the anemia that was increasing weekly. In fact, the day before I was driven to the Emergency Room by my panicked husband, I attended a business meeting, then went to the market, and ended the day with a walk on the treadmill at my gym!

So, I can’t completely blame the doctor and others around me for missing the signs. But I do blame myself. For the reason that I knew something was wrong, and yet, I allowed myself to be talked out of that gut feeling, because an authority figure’s opinion on that was different than mine. I allowed my criticism of myself for my renowned lack of patience to cow me into accepting advice I knew I shouldn’t have accepted.

This really galls me. In the aftermath of a surgery from which I was not even remotely recovered after six weeks, followed by near-death in which I could literally feel ‘things shutting down’ on the way to the ER, a frantic blood transfusion of six units of blood, a second surgery to correct the problem that was causing the internal bleeding, and a stay in hospital that was like a Saturday Night Live skit (they actually woke me up at 2 a.m. after this ordeal to weigh me), and now looking at another few weeks before I’m able to resume all my normal activities, that one fact that I conceded precedence is what still disturbs me most about this experience. Because if I hadn’t, if I’d trusted myself, none of it would’ve occurred.

Usually, I am confident, capable, and secure in myself. In my writings, especially my political ones, I’m constantly stating how we must all think for ourselves, not cling to an ideology or allow some rhetorical speaker to do our thinking for us.  And yet, it took this illness to discover that on some levels, I am still trying to be that ‘good little girl’ who is liked by everyone. Given the right circumstances, press the right buttons, and I will still defer to the instincts of others rather than my own.  This was a more shocking realization than the ER doc’s words, “Wow- your blood counts are dangerously low. Lucky for you, you’re so fit. You wouldn’t have made it here otherwise.”

And now, because I’ve been so sick for so long (close to two months, now) I have to work twice as hard just to get back to that fitness level I worked so hard to attain in the first place. I also left the hospital with a cough that makes me sound like a TB victim, due to the second surgery temporarily diminishing my lungs capacity, and am short of breath just walking up a flight of stairs. I have to drink a horrid iron potion that tastes like rotted prunes and old coffee grinds. My skin feels like sandpaper, and I have been warned by my hairdresser that some of my hair might fall out due to the trauma.  Pitiful, right? You bet. And stupid, too.

But I did learn some lessons, and oh, boy ─ they were big ones. And I think they might be important enough to share:

First is that this year has been an amazing year for me, and not just because it was almost my last one. I didn’t know when I first published my book that there would be a number of people who’d dislike me as a result. Never thought of that aspect of it, but there it was. So that was a lesson, if not learned for the first time, reiterated:  Your true friends are the ones who stick with you not only when times are bad, but also when times for you are really, really good.  A sad thing to realize, but an important thing.

On the plus side, there were yet a far greater number of people who were tremendously pleased for me and supportive of my first book. Friends I hadn’t seen in years contacted me to offer sincere congratulations, and new people I met through my writing groups, blogs, etc., were equally enthusiastic and complimentary. I feel truly blessed by this. I’ve always thought that the media overhypes the evil of humankind, and now that the average person has his/her own way of communicating globally through the internet, I find that this is true ─ humanity is mostly good, not mostly bad.  It’s a shame that we only get reports about the bad from our mainstream news sources. This was a terrific thing to discover.

I also understood from being ill, that my husband and children, to borrow a phrase from Sally Field, “really do like me”. My son slept at hospital with me the first night I was there, and my husband, whose idea of cooking is to make a sandwich, delivered hot, homemade meals to my bedside every night once I got home. And then there were my friends who rallied ─ Thanksgiving dinner, two Christmas dinners, flowers, get well cards, and phone calls. Messages on Facebook and emails from my colleagues, new friends and former pupils, (who feel like nieces and nephews to me) all meant so, so much.

I’ve always valued my friends and my family, but I admit it was wonderful seeing the tangible proof that they value me, too. It was one more reason to get well, so that I could appreciate and enjoy them all the more.

But the biggest lesson I learned is from now on, with no worries about how others will feel, I’m going to embrace my impatience, rather than try to change it. It’s full speed ahead for me, now and always, because I’m made that way. And never again will I not trust myself. Never again will I feel intimidated by others’ opinions, be they valid or not. And when I find myself wavering from this resolution, I’m going to remember the bruises on my arms from IV needles, the feeling weak and dizzy, the crying as the questions ran around in my head as to why I wasn’t recovering, and all the other momentous experiences of this illness now burned in my memory.  They all happened because I still haven’t completely shaken the “Good-Girls-Don’t-Make-a-Fuss Syndrome.”   Screw that.  From now on, I AM MAKING A FUSS.  And it will be your choice to like me for it or not, however you please.

I challenge everyone reading this to do the same. If we do one thing differently this year, let’s embrace ourselves, even with all our faults. I don’t mean ‘be a sociopath and proud’. I mean that while not deliberately causing harm to others, let’s acknowledge that we will make mistakes, that we are not perfect, but we are still worthwhile human beings who have something to offer our friends, our family, and the world. Let’s acknowledge that we can and should have faith in our own selves, even with those imperfections. If we start with that attitude, the year ahead will open us to new encounters. Since we’ll feel more confident, we won’t be afraid when one of our beliefs is challenged, because if we learn that that belief is wrong, it will make us feel empowered, not weakened. We’ll have the courage to fail, not feeling that we are “failures”, but rather human beings on a journey to ever-increasing knowledge.  And while none of this will necessarily make the year ahead be filled with all the health, happiness and success we all wish each other every January 1, it will certainly help it be filled with less anxiety and self-doubt.

So, look out 2010 ─ here we come!

P.S- As is the case due to VOX software problems, anyone who would like to leave a comment, can do so on my Facebook page, or on my Word Press blog.  The links are: http://www.facebook.com/#/patriciaVdavis?ref=profile

and http://patriciavolonakisdavis.wordpress.com/2010/01/01/2009-the-year-that-ended-dangerously/  I'm very sorry about this continued inconvenience.Main reason I rarely post her anymore. Happy New Year, Everyone. I wish you all a wonderful year!

Q: On average, how many Oreo cookies can/do you eat in one sitting?

leave answers in comments.

Mr FD and I were discussing whether to watch a particular program on teleivsion when Mr FD said we didn't need to as "I have the VD."

I burst out laughing at his delusion of grandeur.

His reply was "there is no way out of this is there?"

Best laugh I have had all year (you didn't think I was going to miss the opportunity to say that did you really?)

And Mr FD didn't watch the program as he has the DVD.

How will you be ringing in the New Year?

Ding Dong! Diiiing Dooooong! Yeah! DING DONG!